Ten bizarre inventions from the past that never caught on

People once caged babies several stories above the street

Ever wonder what happened to all those "revolutionary" gadgets that promised to change our lives? Some ideas were just too weird, too early, or too wonderfully impractical to survive. Let's take a nostalgic trip through the patent office's hall of shame.

Back when fresh air was considered a cure-all, London parents who lived in apartments faced a dilemma: how to give their babies outdoor time without a yard? The solution was a wire cage that hung outside the window, suspending Junior several stories above the street. Parents would just pop the baby in the cage and go about their day.

Shockingly, this didn't catch on. Perhaps it was the image of infants dangling precariously over busy sidewalks.

Imagine a giant goldfish bowl on your head, lined with cork, with only a thin slit to see through. That was the Isolator, designed to help people concentrate by blocking out all distractions. The inventor, Hugo Gernsback, thought sensory deprivation was the key to productivity. An attached oxygen tank let you breathe while you worked.

The problem? Looking like a deep-sea diver at your desk isn't exactly conducive to office camaraderie. Plus, trying to type while essentially wearing a fish tank proved impractical.

This battery-powered cone featured a small motor that rotated the ice cream for you, so you could just stick out your tongue and let technology do the rest. It was supposed to prevent drips and ensure even licking coverage.

The invention raised an important question: had we become so lazy that rotating our wrist was now an insurmountable challenge? Apparently, the answer was no. The motorized cone disappeared faster than ice cream on a summer day.

This amphibious bicycle promised to let you pedal across lakes and rivers just as easily as riding down Main Street. It featured a boat-like hull and paddle wheels instead of regular tires. The inventor envisioned commuters cycling across waterways, avoiding bridge traffic entirely.

Unfortunately, the Cyclomer was heavy, slow on both land and water, and required the leg strength of an Olympic athlete to move at anything faster than a crawl.

Dr. John Brinkley convinced thousands of men that transplanting goat testicles into humans would restore youth and vigor. For the bargain price of $750 (about $12,000 today), you could have surgery in his Kansas clinic and supposedly regain the vitality of your younger days.

Unsurprisingly, the procedure didn't work—goat glands don't function in human bodies. Brinkley eventually lost his medical license, but not before making millions.

When cars first became common, someone invented a net-like contraption that attached to the front bumper to scoop up pedestrians before running them over. The idea was that the person would land safely in the net instead of under the wheels. It looked like an industrial-sized butterfly net.

The fatal flaw? Getting hit by a car and caught in a net is still getting hit by a car. Plus, the contraption made vehicles longer and harder to maneuver, probably causing more accidents than it prevented.

Picture this: you're stuck in bed recovering from illness, and what you really need is a full-size piano suspended over your body. That's what one inventor thought, anyway. The piano hung horizontally above the patient, who could supposedly play while lying flat on their back.

Beyond the obvious safety concerns of dangling a heavy musical instrument over sick people, there was the question of who actually wants to play piano while confined to bed.

In an era when dimples were considered irresistibly charming, someone invented a face-shaping device that promised to create them artificially. The contraption used springs and knobs to press into your cheeks for 15 minutes daily until dimples supposedly formed permanently.

It didn't work, of course—dimples are genetic, caused by variations in facial muscle structure. But that didn't stop people from trying.

L. Ron Hubbard claimed this modified lie detector could measure the electrical characteristics of your thoughts and help achieve spiritual enlightenment. Users held two tin cans connected to a meter while being asked questions. A needle supposedly revealed deep psychological truths.

Scientifically, it was just a simple ohmmeter measuring skin resistance—the same principle behind mood rings. But it cost considerably more and came with significantly more baggage.

Why carry a portable radio when you could wear one on your head? This invention looked like a regular pint-sized baseball cap but contained a tiny AM radio with an antenna poking out the top. Earphones ran down to your ears, letting you listen to broadcasts while keeping your hands free.

The problem was that you looked absolutely ridiculous, like an alien trying to blend in at a baseball game. The reception was terrible, the batteries died quickly, and the whole contraption was uncomfortable.

Deep roots

11 everyday words with indigenous roots

English is a very welcoming language in the sense that it incorporates terms from many other languages from all over the world. And, as it couldn’t be otherwise, Native American languages have lent many of their words and terms to English speakers. Some traveled through Spanish or French before settling into English, and others arrived directly through early contact and trade, helping shape the way we speak today. Did you know about these 11 terms?

The word "canoe" comes from the Taino term canoa, which was first used by Caribbean islanders long before Europeans arrived. Early explorers adopted it to describe the slim, sturdy boats they saw.

Over time, "canoe" became the standard English word for a small paddled craft. Today it still carries that sense of simplicity and closeness to nature.

The word "barbecue" comes from barbacoa, another Taino term for a wooden frame used for cooking meat over fire. Europeans adopted it and applied it to both the method and the gathering itself.

Today, "barbecue" means everything from a backyard cookout to a regional cooking style. Its origins highlight the deep culinary influence of Native Americans in the nation's current culture.

"Skunk" comes from the Algonquian word squnk, which means "urinating fox" (quite a fitting term, indeed). This was an obvious reference to the animal’s strong defensive spray. Early settlers adopted the term directly.

Since English had no better name for the creature, the Native word stuck. Today, the word skunks is also used as playful slang.

The word "moose" originates from Eastern Abenaki, a part of the Algonquian family, where it meant "he strips off bark." Yes, it described the animal’s habit of tearing bark from trees.

The name entered English quickly because settlers relied on Native knowledge of local fauna. The word remains unchanged because of its accuracy and usefulness.

"Raccoon" comes from the Powhatan word arakun, meaning "he scratches with his hands." It described the animal’s clever, humanlike front paws.

Settlers adopted the term because it captured the creature’s behavior beautifully. Today, the raccoon is used as a household symbol of curiosity, not unlike the animal itself.

The term "chipmunk" most probably comes from the Ojibwe word ajidamoo, which means "one who descends trees headfirst." Early English settlers adapted the sound into today’s form.

Though the spelling changed over time, the lively image of a chipmunk racing down a tree face-first stayed.

The word "caribou" comes from the Mi’kmaq term qalipu, which means "snow shoveler," referring to the animal’s habit of digging through snow for food.

French settlers brought the word into English, keeping its descriptive nature. The name still connects the modern animal to the winter landscapes it belongs to.

"Totem" comes from the Ojibwe word ototeman, which means "kinship group." It described symbols representing clans and shared roots.

English adopted it to describe carved poles and symbolic elements. Though broader in modern usage, it still hints at the original sense of community, identity, and heritage.

"Coyote" comes from the Nahuatl word coyōtl, which was used by Indigenous tribes of central Mexico. Spanish speakers adopted it, and English borrowed later.

The word kept its meaning, and it remains one of the most direct links between the English language and Nahuatl.

The tasty avocado’s name traces to the Nahuatl word ahacatl, which refers to the fruit and to a body part as well. Spanish speakers transformed it into aguacate.

Later on, English speakers adapted it to avocado. While the name sounds contemporary and culinary, it has ancient Native roots.

The last Nahuatl word and also the last word on the list comes from the term xocolātl, which describes a bitter cacao drink that was consumed long before Europeans arrived in America. The name traveled from Spanish to English.

Though the product changed dramatically, the word survived. Today, chocolate is a universal symbol of sweetness, with rich and deeply indigenous roots.