Ten bizarre inventions from the past that never caught on

People once caged babies several stories above the street

Ever wonder what happened to all those "revolutionary" gadgets that promised to change our lives? Some ideas were just too weird, too early, or too wonderfully impractical to survive. Let's take a nostalgic trip through the patent office's hall of shame.

Back when fresh air was considered a cure-all, London parents who lived in apartments faced a dilemma: how to give their babies outdoor time without a yard? The solution was a wire cage that hung outside the window, suspending Junior several stories above the street. Parents would just pop the baby in the cage and go about their day.

Shockingly, this didn't catch on. Perhaps it was the image of infants dangling precariously over busy sidewalks.

Imagine a giant goldfish bowl on your head, lined with cork, with only a thin slit to see through. That was the Isolator, designed to help people concentrate by blocking out all distractions. The inventor, Hugo Gernsback, thought sensory deprivation was the key to productivity. An attached oxygen tank let you breathe while you worked.

The problem? Looking like a deep-sea diver at your desk isn't exactly conducive to office camaraderie. Plus, trying to type while essentially wearing a fish tank proved impractical.

This battery-powered cone featured a small motor that rotated the ice cream for you, so you could just stick out your tongue and let technology do the rest. It was supposed to prevent drips and ensure even licking coverage.

The invention raised an important question: had we become so lazy that rotating our wrist was now an insurmountable challenge? Apparently, the answer was no. The motorized cone disappeared faster than ice cream on a summer day.

This amphibious bicycle promised to let you pedal across lakes and rivers just as easily as riding down Main Street. It featured a boat-like hull and paddle wheels instead of regular tires. The inventor envisioned commuters cycling across waterways, avoiding bridge traffic entirely.

Unfortunately, the Cyclomer was heavy, slow on both land and water, and required the leg strength of an Olympic athlete to move at anything faster than a crawl.

Dr. John Brinkley convinced thousands of men that transplanting goat testicles into humans would restore youth and vigor. For the bargain price of $750 (about $12,000 today), you could have surgery in his Kansas clinic and supposedly regain the vitality of your younger days.

Unsurprisingly, the procedure didn't work—goat glands don't function in human bodies. Brinkley eventually lost his medical license, but not before making millions.

When cars first became common, someone invented a net-like contraption that attached to the front bumper to scoop up pedestrians before running them over. The idea was that the person would land safely in the net instead of under the wheels. It looked like an industrial-sized butterfly net.

The fatal flaw? Getting hit by a car and caught in a net is still getting hit by a car. Plus, the contraption made vehicles longer and harder to maneuver, probably causing more accidents than it prevented.

Picture this: you're stuck in bed recovering from illness, and what you really need is a full-size piano suspended over your body. That's what one inventor thought, anyway. The piano hung horizontally above the patient, who could supposedly play while lying flat on their back.

Beyond the obvious safety concerns of dangling a heavy musical instrument over sick people, there was the question of who actually wants to play piano while confined to bed.

In an era when dimples were considered irresistibly charming, someone invented a face-shaping device that promised to create them artificially. The contraption used springs and knobs to press into your cheeks for 15 minutes daily until dimples supposedly formed permanently.

It didn't work, of course—dimples are genetic, caused by variations in facial muscle structure. But that didn't stop people from trying.

L. Ron Hubbard claimed this modified lie detector could measure the electrical characteristics of your thoughts and help achieve spiritual enlightenment. Users held two tin cans connected to a meter while being asked questions. A needle supposedly revealed deep psychological truths.

Scientifically, it was just a simple ohmmeter measuring skin resistance—the same principle behind mood rings. But it cost considerably more and came with significantly more baggage.

Why carry a portable radio when you could wear one on your head? This invention looked like a regular pint-sized baseball cap but contained a tiny AM radio with an antenna poking out the top. Earphones ran down to your ears, letting you listen to broadcasts while keeping your hands free.

The problem was that you looked absolutely ridiculous, like an alien trying to blend in at a baseball game. The reception was terrible, the batteries died quickly, and the whole contraption was uncomfortable.

PHRASES WITHOUT BORDERS

Did You Know That These 10 Idioms Have Equivalents In Other Languages?

Image: Adolfo Félix

To say that the English language is filled to the brim with quirky and baffling idioms is no groundbreaking news: after all, we say that someone has "kicked the bucket" when they pass away, or that a heavy thunderstorm is comparable to "cats and dogs" raining from the sky. However, while we have previously delved into the inherent strangeness of the idioms we use every day, one of the most beautiful aspects of these phrases is how difficult they are to translate: tell a non-native English speaker that you are "head over heels" for them and you might only receive a weird look as a response. Luckily, for every strange English idiom, there’s always an even stranger idiom that conveys the same meaning, though using entirely different images. With that in mind, here are ten of the most unique equivalents of English idioms we could find. Enjoy!

Image: Arthur Yeti

We’ll start with one that perfectly describes how baffling some of these idioms are. Whenever someone says "It’s all Greek to me" they are trying to convey how incomprehensible or difficult something is. In a way, this idiom makes perfect sense: English and Greek are extremely dissimilar, from the way both languages sound to the way they are written.

Similarly, the Czech language’s equivalent to this idiom also focuses on a completely dissimilar language to convey this feeling. The expression je to pro mě španělská vesnice literally translates to "It's a Spanish village to me."

Image: PHÚC LONG

To say that someone has "rekindled an old flame" means that they have rediscovered feelings for a former partner. In that sense, these idioms are fairly self-explanatory: the image of lighting up a fire perfectly summarizes the heat and excitement of passion. However, Italy’s answer to this idiom perplexingly focuses on an objectively less romantic image. Let’s put it this way: if you had to associate passion and intimacy with a vegetable, would you honestly pick a cabbage?

The Italian phrase cavolo riscaldato, the equivalent to "rekindling an old flame", literally translates to "reheated cabbage." If this doesn’t speak to you, we have good and bad news. The good news is that some regions of Italy use a variant of this idiom, minestra riscaldata, so you might prefer to use this one the next time you find yourself in "the Boot." The bad news is that this idiom doesn’t fare that much better, since it translates to "reheated soup."

Image: Petim latifi

No one wants to be the third wheel, that friend caught in the awkward position of unwillingly chaperoning a date. While tricycles are definitely a thing, this idiom speaks to how useless a third wheel is to a two-wheeled vehicle like a bicycle. Moreover, an argument could be made that it also highlights how troublesome it would be to carry a third and motionless wheel: it is as awkward for the couple as it is for the third party. Like we said, no one wants to be the third wheel.

In that sense, British English has a colorful idiom with the same meaning as "third wheel": being an unwanted companion is known in the United Kingdom as "playing gooseberry." The history behind this idiom is rather interesting: it comes from how chaperones would pretend to pick gooseberries to allow couples some intimacy during a date.

Image: Pasqualino Capobianco

The color blue has been associated with sadness since at least the late 19th century: "Having the blues" is a common idiom that describes not feeling great. There’s a reason why Blues music received this name: its slow chords and melancholic lyrics usually convey an atmosphere of sadness.

While the English language has a primary color to describe sadness, French is not so lucky: the phrase avoir le cafard, the equivalent of "having the blues," literally means "to have the cockroach." While definitively unpleasant, a point could be made that encountering a cockroach produces an unpleasant feeling not completely dissimilar to the blues.

Image: Caleb Woods

Quick question: if you had to choose the subject of our next idiom between a spade or a cat, would you even hesitate to choose the kitten? We know you wouldn’t: who in their right mind would pick a boring old spade over an adorable little furry bundle of joy?

Unfortunately for us English speakers, we are stuck with the idiom "to call a spade a spade" whenever we need to speak bluntly and in a straightforward manner. On the other hand, the French equivalent to this idiom is the phrase appeler un chat un chat, which translates to "to call a cat a cat."

Image: Andrea Sonda

Any English speaker "taking the fall" is facing responsibility or repercussions for someone else’s actions, whether it is done intentionally or not. While this idiom is rather self-explanatory, the same can’t be said about its Portuguese counterpart: the phrase pagar o pato translates to "pay the duck."

Don’t worry, this idiom doesn’t involve reimbursing any ducks. Its origins can be traced back to an old Portuguese fable in which a dispute concerning the cost of a duck breaks out between a poor family and a duck vendor.

Image: Rafael Corrêa

When someone is "in the dark," they are completely unaware of something happening in the background. Whether they are kept in the dark by someone or they choose to live in ignorant bliss doesn’t really affect the meaning of this idiom: at the end of the day, someone is "in the dark" just by ignoring something.

In that sense, the imagery of this idiom seems rather obvious: someone whose vision is impaired and can’t see properly. Curiously, the German equivalent of this idiom still manages to convey the same meaning with an entirely different picture: the idiom Tomaten auf den Augen haben means "to have tomatoes on one's eyes."

Image: Bovia & Co. Photography

While we mostly use it as a mild and more polite swear word, the term "darn" actually has a definition: it can be used as a verb for mending knitted clothing like a sweater, or as a noun to describe patches and holes in clothes. Funnily, when it comes to the idiom "to give a darn," both meanings of this word can be used. Since this idiom means not caring at all about something, both a meaningless hole and a bland insult can convey this feeling.

On the contrary, some Spanish-speaking countries have an equivalent idiom that makes use of one of the most beloved vegetables in the world. The phrase me importa un pepino roughly translates to "It matters to me as much as a cucumber does." While we can’t be sure if this idiom speaks of how cheap or how disliked cucumbers are in the Spanish-speaking world, we are certain that being told that you matter as much as a vegetable is definitively a hard pill to swallow.

Image: Mathew Schwartz

Don’t worry; this idiom doesn’t involve any curses: The devil won’t actually show up if you speak of him, like some sort of Bloody Mary urban legend. This extremely popular idiom is used whenever you are talking about someone, and they suddenly show up at that exact moment.

In the Spanish-speaking world, the devil is replaced with a king. Contrary to what you might think though, the saying does not mention the king of Spain, but rather a fictional king of the capital city of Italy: Spanish speakers use the expression hablando del rey de Roma, which literally translates to "speaking of the King of Rome."

Image: Reba Spike

We’ll end this article with the idiom that confused us the most. The expression "a wolf in sheep’s clothing" is used to describe a dangerous person hiding behind an innocent facade. This idiom comes from the New Testament, where Jesus warns his disciples against false prophets who mask their dark intentions with kindness. In any case, this idiom doesn’t require much explanation: a wolf is, after all, a dangerous predator to defenseless sheep.

However, Japan’s take on this idiom uses what’s probably this country’s most beloved pet. Japan’s expression "To wear a cat in your head" means exactly the same thing as "a wolf in sheep’s clothing." We know this is confusing, but trust us, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Japan’s very well-documented love for cats means that no one would ever suspect a cat of something nefarious. Thus, hiding behind a cat’s cuteness helps divert prying eyes from someone’s true intentions.