COMIC RELIEF

10 Hilarious Quotes from Celebrities That Will Crack You Up

As the famous old saying goes, "A day without laughter is a wasted day," and we couldn’t agree more. In a world where humor is often overshadowed by seriousness, people with the ability to laugh at themselves and the silliness of life are like a refreshing breeze on a hot summer day.

Here we gathered 10 moments of comedic brilliance from the mouths of celebrities, writers, and scientists.

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

—Tom Clancy

A world-acclaimed writer of many espionage novels and military thrillers, Tom Clancy offers us a humorous insight into the chaotic nature of reality and the difficulties of storytelling. Certainly, reality is always stranger than fiction!

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

—Terry Pratchett

The late Terry Pratchett, the beloved author of the Discworld fantasy series, delivers here a witty remark typical of his irreverent writing style. An open mind is a gift, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be wary of what you let others put into it.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe."

—Albert Einstein

Besides being a Nobel laureate and renowned physicist, Albert Einstein was known for his characteristic dry humor and his sarcastic observations about the world. Human nature is paradoxical, we can solve the most complex problems, yet we never seem to completely free ourselves from the yoke of stupidity.

"I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde."

—Dolly Parton

The iconic country music star playfully addresses stereotypes about blonde women in this witty retort. Though Parton has nothing to prove, she shows us with charm and flair that humor and self-awareness are always the best defense against insult and prejudice.

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it."

—Bob Hope

Legendary comedian Bob Hope offers a tongue-in-cheek commentary on the absurd quirks of bank logic. And surely... what good does a loan to the already rich do?

"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read."

—Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx, the comedic genius behind the Marx Brothers, delivers here one of his hilarious yet absurd jokes. Humor can certainly be found in the most unexpected places, even inside the belly of an unsuspecting dog!

"Life isn't a fairytale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk."

—Darynda Jones

American novelist Darynda Jones offers a humorous twist on the classic Cinderella story by comparing it to reality. We would only like to add that if your Uber also looks like a pumpkin carriage, you might be better off just walking home.

"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not quite sure."

—Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper was a master of slapstick comedy and absurd humor, and this quote attributed to him encapsulates his personality perfectly. Jokes aside, having a good sense of humor can actually help indecisive people gain more confidence in themselves!

"I can resist everything except temptation."

—Oscar Wilde

This famous quip of Oscar Wilde captures the essence of his playful yet thoughtful philosophy. Besides making you laugh, hopefully this quote can help lighten up a bit those moments when we feel like we aren’t living up to our expectations—like when you can’t help buying a ton of ice cream right after starting a new diet.

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

—George Burns

Legendary comedian George Burns offers a humorous reflection on the passage of time with this amusing remark. Unfortunately, he might be right, as the Dead Sea is actually shrinking at a swift pace.

These ones take the cookie

Fancy a cookie? These are America’s favorites

Everyone loves a cookie. But which kind of cookie? The options are seemingly endless, but some are more loved than others. In some cases, it is the cookie itself that makes it a fan-favorite. In others, a particular brand recipe manages to beat the competition and secure the consumers’ loyalty. Here are some cookies that are a resounding success in America.

A staple for cookie enthusiasts, chocolate chip cookies have many versions and are distributed by many brands. A true American classic, they were invented (or at least, pioneered) in the 1930s by Ruth Graves Wakefield, who decided to add a chopped bar of Nestlé chocolate into her cookie dough. In exchange for printing the recipe in their packaging, Nestlé paid her $1 and a lifetime supply of chocolate.

The best-selling cookie in the world, Oreo was initially developed as a copycat of the then-popular Hydrox cookie. The marketing campaign was so successful that Oreo largely surpassed Hydrox, and some people nowadays believe Hydrox to be an Oreo imitation. The origins of the Oreo name are unknown, but it is today synonymous with fondant-filled chocolate cookies.

No one is really sure where these chewy, cinnamony cookies originated, but they have earned their place in the American cookie repertoire. The use of cream of tartar as its key ingredient makes the cookie dough slightly tangy and gives it a soft interior that sets it apart from other sugar cookies. The name ‘snickerdoodle’ is attributed to German or Pennsylvania Dutch origins, but some say it is just a nonsense word.

When a Girl Scout troop from Oklahoma decided to sell cookies as a fundraiser in 1917, they couldn't have imagined they were starting a million-dollar business. The varieties sold by the Girl Scouts have changed through the decades, but fan-favorites such as Thin Mints, Samoas, and Tagalongs have become permanent staples.

Graham Crackers are typically associated with pie crusts and s’mores, but did you know that they were developed as part of a temperance movement? That’s right, they were invented by Presbyterian minister Sylvester Graham, who believed that a vegetarian, wheat-centered diet could help suppress devious urges. He created a plain, unsweetened, coarse cracker as a diet staple, without knowing it would become integral to many snacks and sweet treats.

Originally imported from Britain, these cookies were so popular in the late 19th century that imports were unable to keep up with the demand, so bakers started producing them locally. At the turn of the 20th century, they were rebranded as Barnum’s Animals to evoke the popular circus, a name they still use today, though the circus-inspired design has changed to reflect a more ethical treatment of animals.

Sweet and buttery, shortbread cookies are believed to be of Scottish origin, where they are associated with Christmas and New Year celebrations. Introduced in the U.S. by Scottish immigrants, they were made popular under the brand Lorna Doone at the beginning of the 20th century.

Developed in the 19th century by a German-American confectioner, these cookies might not seem much at first sight, but they have become a staple in the American cookbook. Originally sold as Vanilla Wafers, they became popular in the South as an ingredient for banana pudding, so much so that the recipe was printed on the box. In the 1960s, the name was officially changed to Nilla Wafers.

Named after the town of Newton, Massachusetts, these cookies were originally developed in Philadelphia as a copy of the British fig roll. Its creator, Charles Roser, used a machine that allowed him to extrude the cookie and the filling as one, in a continuous roll. He later sold his recipe to the Kennedy Biscuit Company, who popularized it under the Fig Newton name.

Another best-seller by Nabisco (the owner of Oreo), Nutter Butter is one of the most popular peanut butter sandwich cookies in the market. Besides being a peanut-lovers’ favorite, it has become synonymous with blood donations in the U.S, to the point that donations dropped substantially when the Red Cross stopped offering it to donors. Luckily, Nabisco committed to donating Nutter Butters for this purpose.

An imitation of Italian-style biscuits, Milano Cookies were developed by the Pepperidge Farm company as part of a ‘European’ cookie series. They have since become extremely popular and have expanded their flavor range beyond their original milk chocolate version. Each year, Pepperidge Farm introduces seasonal and limited-edition flavors based on consumer demand, such as Chai Latte, London Fog, or Café au Lait.